


Rivers of Life, Dead and Dreaming

by UnrealRomance



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Dealing with each other's trauma without trying to change each other, F/M, Gore, Minors DNI, Minors do not interact, Modern Girl in Midgar, Slow Burn Romance, Trauma, Trigger Warnings for multiple main character deaths, becoming better people because you have support, not because anyone is forcing you, there will be described fear and pain and stuff like that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:07:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21711940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnrealRomance/pseuds/UnrealRomance
Summary: Rhiannon keeps dying. She doesn't know how to make it stop. All she knows is that it's very painful and terrifying and she'd like to stay alive a little longer in-between trips to that floaty place that keeps trying to make her forget.She didn't even know she was on Midgar till she re-materialized again, this time in a very unlikely, unexpected and...embarrassing place.(Trigger warnings for mentions of rape, murder, death, and the description of multiple painful and somewhat humiliating deaths. Also if it squicks you when trauma victims show signs of shock or apathy and just let bad things happen to them because who cares anymore, probably not going to be the story for you because I explore that.)
Relationships: Sephiroth (Compilation of FFVII)/Original Female Character(s), Sephiroth/Original Female Character
Comments: 19
Kudos: 99





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for the ending of this chapter. I'm gonna put these up when there's any kind of trigger warning at all.
> 
> So Main Character Death warnings for this chapter.

I remember how I died, you know?

Anything else, it's…foggy here.

That one moment, the memory of it- that's all I have to hold onto. The only thing that helps me remember that _I_ am a person. _I_ was alive. _I_ had memories, that I can't remember anymore.

Just my death.

Everyone's death, really.

The Earth was dying. We all knew it. But nobody wanted to do anything about it. Or well.

The people with the power to do something were so busy shoving our faces into the dirt, they couldn't spare a moment to do jack shit to save us all. And now they're dead _with_ us, right?

I hope so.

Going through all that pain and suffering only to realize one day that the people who killed me…survived…it'd be unbearable.

It's funny how I can remember these things, and nothing else.

Just the death itself and what led up to it. Not even memories, really. Just a…knowledge. A _knowing_.

My planet died slowly, in a lot of pain. Screaming pain. Fires everywhere, floods. Earthquakes that rent my country apart. Other countries, too.

I died in a tidal wave of sorts. The water came through the broken bits of America and swept over all of us. Those of us who thought ourselves safe from it, suddenly weren't anymore. All because of one little earthquake.

There's no way anyone survived that. It didn't only hit the ground. There were storms in the atmosphere that would've killed you if you'd tried to get up there in a plane- or even maybe if you'd tried to leave the plane itself.

Even that satellite with the Astronauts up there, that Nasa has always maintained…they came down before the TV's shut off. I remember it from the news. I think.

I don't remember the news report itself, only that it existed and what happened.

I remember everything that happened in the detached way you do when you read about it. Or see it on TV. It isn't really happening to you. It's just something to be aware of.

Right on the edge of my awareness…like if I stop clutching at it, it'll slip away and be gone forever.

But somehow the pain of knowing I'm dead and knowing how I'm dead…helps. Helps me to accept my new reality as a…what, as a mass-less spirit floating about nowhere? Connected to my dying planet, perhaps?

Or maybe it's just the people and the animals that will have died here. Maybe my planet lives on.

I'd like that. I'd like it more if someone survived to rebuild. Not the things _we_ built. But maybe…a community. A family…

To treat Earth how it was always meant to be treated. Cherished. Respected.

And now everything is just…hazy. As if, in the act of letting go of this one memory- thread of memories -I could become nothing. Exist in Nothingness.

But I refuse.

That's my mistake, you see. Thinking I could go on existing forever like that.

Something had to give, I knew what I was couldn't last forever. Even if I didn't like to think about it. And one particularly hard yank on the memories I'm trying to protect, reminds me of that.

Well. I decide to stick with it. Even if it means remembering every excruciating detail. Because it's _my_ life.

 _Mine_.

And I wasn't going to let go just because this weird afterlife haze wanted me to submit to nothingness.

So I yanked back.

Only, I think I yanked too hard. Or in the wrong direction.

Suddenly I'm _rushing_ somewhere, like an acorn caught in a river. Rapids rip me from my peaceful floating and drag me somewhere that I don't want to go.

There's no fighting it, not really. There are no river rocks to cling to, nothing but my memory.

And the harder I cling, the faster it drags me wherever I'm going. I'd have to let go. But.

I don't want to let go.

Before long, I realize I can hear something. It's not abrupt, or gradual. Somehow I can hear and not hear, at the same time. And what I hear is shrieking wind. Like I'm being tossed about inside a tornado.

I feel…something. I _feel_.

There is…a body weaving around me. From nothing? From something. An energy.

A body means I can do what I want, go where I want. I remember that. A body means _life_.

I don't question how it's possible, I just yank _harder_. Uncaring of the blissful calm I leave behind. Unfaltering and filled with new purpose.

I. _MUST._ _ **LIVE**_.

And so I do.

It happens as if it were a switch and I just carelessly flicked it.

Grass under my hands. Dirt beneath that, where my fingers dig in. Clawing for purchase. Hair curtaining my face. Rain covering me from head to foot. Making me aware of my nakedness.

The smell of it all, the sound, the feel. It overwhelms me for a moment. And I sob into the darkness.

I remember who I am, now. My name is Rhiannon. I used to have a family. Friends. As time went on, the numbers dwindled. I can still feel the grasping hunger in my stomach in those last few days before the end. When I'd gone days without even a single morsel of food…

A painful pressure suddenly shoves me to the ground, and holds me there.

I wail and turn my head. Seeing the face of a young man with a _sword_ in his hand? His boot is rough and painful on my back. I can only see half his face. The top half is…covered by some kind of helmet. It's eerily familiar somehow. Do I remember-?

No. No, he's lifting his sword!

Screaming for mercy, I try to shield myself. But it's too late. He's already brought the blade down. And everything dissipates…and…becomes…

Calm.

I'm floating again. Only now, I have two different memories about my death.

For just a moment there, I could remember everything! Who I am, what I want…

What it is, to live.

Do I want it back? I…I don't know…I'm so…tired.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for...god what's a good word for everything.
> 
> Human experimentation and...body horror, I think? Nothing is described too graphically but the pain and horror are emphasized.
> 
> Also mentions of a lost pet and the surrounding conditions of losing them.
> 
> And some abuse of the main character. Nudity that's meant to be humiliating and dehumanizing.
> 
> Main Character death, of course, as she's died before it's going to happen multiple times here really in the beginning of the story.

It happens differently but the same this time.

The difference is, I start remembering even before I grow a body.

I remember my birthday one year. Then I remember the face of a person I hated.

And…as I remembered more and more, I started to get pulled down again. Pulled in? Pulled up? Pulled _out_? I don't even know _that_ much.

What I do know, is that this time…when I come back into being- I'm immediately grabbed and pinned to a cold, hard surface.

I'm powerless and uncomfortable within moments, and I still haven't had time to completely comprehend what the hell is going on.

Awareness of my surroundings comes in stages, like it did before.

Sensation of touch is first, or I wouldn't have known I was being strapped down to a cold, hard surface to begin with.

There are so many feelings to feel, though. It's like I'm a damn newborn. Everything is a lot more intense than it usually would be.

And I know that because I can _remember_.

I'm Rhiannon, and my family died in the destruction of my home. Myself and my cat were the only survivors and only then because my cat hid in a really convenient place and then ran out to find me when I was rushing by it.

We somehow managed to escape the flooding before it became too bad. Up on top of a really steep hill. Waiting for _days_ before I decided to just grab one of the fallen trees and try to paddle with some branches to get… _somewhere_. Anywhere.

But it was just an ocean of water.

I found food floating around- from the supermarket down the street, I think. People were probably trying to stock up to weather the chaos surrounding us and…

And their loss was my gain, I guess.

I gave anything that was safe to give, to my cat. She wasn't happy about being trapped on a log, but she'd be even unhappier without it, so. She stayed with me.

Until she was gone, too.

And I was alone.

I'm not alone now, and I can't handle it.

After weeks of surviving until the world's last gasp- and then dying with everything and everyone else…

Here I am, alive. With _people_.

And all they want is to hurt me.

I know, because they _are_ hurting me. This cold, metal table. Set up to expose my naked body to the people who come up to me and poke me with needles. I _hate_ needles.

They hit me when I struggle or squirm.

There are sharp scalpel-like instruments that they use to cut me. Take tissue and muscle, I think.

I can't really bring myself to care exactly _what_ they're doing.

They're picking me apart and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Except…

Except die.

And I cling so hard to this one small glimpse of _life_ I've been able to get my hands on- that I'll never be able to let go.

So the only thing to do is either wait to pass out, or wait for them to kill me.

I recognize those men standing off to the side with the swords. It's the same ones that killed me before.

But that's not the only place I recognize them from.

The technology these people are using, out here in a make-shift science center with a tent over everything out on the grass…the soldiers…or….

S.O.L.D.I.E.R's, I guess.

It's ShinRa. I don't know how I could possibly know beyond a shadow of a doubt here, because nothing is exactly the same as I remember. But some of the things the scientists and soldier's say…I recognize them.

Lifestream. Mako energy. Monsters.

Monster. They think I'm a monster.

One of those people infused with Mako that go wild and lose their humanity.

I tried talking to them, but no one would listen.

Pleas, questions- all met with the same reaction. A harsh slap across the face or a shout for me to be quiet.

They only have to glare at me now.

And I've resolved to stay quiet.

I wish I was on the grass, where I could feel it against my skin.

And as much as I've always hated the burn of sunlight, as much as my last few days were filled with sunburns and sores from being overexposed…

I want this tent gone so I can feel that the sun is there. That this is real. That I'm not imagining what's happening to me.

Pain is easy. But the sensation of the sun. I'd know it anywhere. Soft grass, too.

I experienced them right at the end, a lot.

When I finally gave up on that fallen tree and took it back to that small piece of hill where it was only slightly damp. Made a bed for myself and my cat out of leaves…

It was only a few days later that she left me.

I still don't know what happened to her. She was there and then she wasn't. And my fallen tree had long since drifted off, so it's not like she could've ridden on it.

God, look at me. Naked and on display and in agony and all I can think about is my lost, most likely dead, cat.

"Elimination is the only recourse. If another appears, we will have to take more drastic measures…"

I can barely hear the scientists, but I know they're talking about me. They're gonna kill me again.

Trying to brace yourself for a death you know will only be temporary is just as difficult as bracing for one that will be permanent, I see.

Back on that little hill-top, soggy and sore and hungry…it was so hard just to let go of the idea of surviving, being safe…having any sort of life at all…

And now, knowing that I'll likely repeat the reforming process even if they _do_ kill me…it's just as difficult to let go of this feeling of being _alive_.

But when the soldier approaches me and draws his sword, I close my eyes.

No more pleading for my life. They won't listen and it doesn't matter anyway, I'll get it back.

I just wish I didn't have to lose it now. That I could leave here and-

It's over within a heartbeat. I don't even really notice the blade, as focused as I was on the sensations in my physical body and the thoughts in my mind.

I think he decapitated me. I'm not sure, but it feels like my head…

Well, soon I don't have a body any longer, so it's of no concern to me. But…I want my body back. Immediately. I want it back.

So tired…

It will take me longer to reform this time…I rushed it before but…not again. This time I have to think before I get sent back and…it's getting harder and…harder… to… remem…ber….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, ShinRa scientists take our Main Character as she's rematerializing, and stick her on an experimentation table. Not allowing her to speak to them or ask any questions.
> 
> She reminisces about her last days on Earth and how her only companion at the time was her Cat, who disappeared one day without any warning.
> 
> Then she realizes she's on Midgar somehow, because she recognizes the S.O.L.D.I.E.R.'s.
> 
> And then she dies yet again.
> 
> (I'm not really sure how to write trigger-free summaries of triggering chapters so if I've bungled something, please let me know-- especially if you're NOT triggered by these things, so we can make sure anyone who IS doesn't have to see it.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More warnings for the death at the end of this chapter. Rhiannon isn't quite done dying yet, but soon, I promise!

Everything is the same but everything changes…because this time…I figure out how to move, at the last second.

When I'm being pulled, wherever it is I'm going- in or out or apart or together…I pull in a different direction, just before my body recreates itself.

So I end up…a little to the left of where I was going to be if I hadn't. I think. Maybe they just weren't looking for me wherever I dropped.

Whatever it is that allows me the leeway, I take it and run.

Literally.

I run down two back streets, up a road and around a corner, avoiding any people on the street at this late hour of the night.

And it IS late. I mean…it's so dark, people probably wouldn't be able to tell I was naked, walking right next to me- as it is I have to avoid all the streetlamps which makes it more difficult to navigate but at least nobody's noticed I'm in the altogether here.

Thank god Midgar is so broken, I guess, or there would be more light at night here and I'd be busted.

Stealing clothing from people's yards is such a cliche but I have to stoop to it anyway.

I don't go for the people with patchy clothes, though, they're too poor. I don't want to take like, their only clothes from them. Or the only ones that aren't totally falling apart. That's too cruel.

So I wind my way up and up and up and eventually find my way to the 'middle-class' areas where I steal one article of clothing each from like four backyards.

A sundress, some socks, a pair of shorts and a very tight tube top.

The tube top I use as kind of a bra- there is no way in hell I'm wearing other people's underwear- and the shorts are just so I don't flash people if my sundress gets blown up in my face.

I carry the socks with me for like a whole fucking mile before I finally just slip them onto my hands. Even if my feet can't be warm, my hands can at least not be frigid.

It's not super cold out here, but enough that I can feel my feet going numb from more than just the distance I've walked.

Never walked this much in my life. I once tried to walk home from school even though I apparently lived a lot further than I thought and basically collapsed on the side of the road. My mom picked me up as she drove through- I can't even remember if she was looking for me because she somehow knew I was lost or just on her way to pick me up.

It's not the fault of whatever it is that made me forget before, though, I'm just forgetful as a rule.

I can remember everything now.

Our world slowly dying, over time. Then really quickly going to pot. The fires, the monsoons, the tornadoes, the thunderstorms, the floods…

No matter where you lived, it wasn't safe.

Truthfully even at the bottom of the ocean, miles into the deep and a day's travel out or so, the sea vents were acting up. So even if you lived in one of those rich-people deep-sea spa hotels that were in cartoons, you wouldn't have survived.

There was nowhere to hide to be safe in the end.

I only didn't die right away because the flooding wasn't severe enough to cover one small patch of land, the tallest in my town. And because the land sloped downward toward town and not toward me.

I'm pretty sure in my last few moments, I felt the ground start shaking. So it's possible an earthquake was going to rip the land apart and take me with it.

Died before it could happen though…I think. Maybe that's what killed me and I just don't remember because death fucks with your memory, who knows?

Did everyone who died get to come back to life in Midgar? If not, why is it just me? If so, where the hell are they? Did they go to some other world? Are they just gone?

…Earth is gone. I will never see Earth again.

Gods, I'm too awake and alive to be dealing with this shit right now-where's that depression-dissociation when I really need it?

Come on, I drop a pen and almost cry and immediately you take me out of the moment but my entire fucking planet dies and _nothing_?

I know I've always handled big crises better than little ones but this is just fucking ridiculous.

This is like the time the house caught on fire a little and while everyone was panicking and rushing the pets out, I just…put out the fire.

Mom was so flabbergasted. Dad thought I was in shock.

I wasn't though. I was fine. I didn't even really see the big deal. It was a fire, we're trained to handle those in most schools where you have classes about chemistry or cooking. Or at least they did in _my_ school.

It wasn't even a big fire.

But that's the way I've always been.

That's probably why I haven't broken down sobbing all the time I've been walking.

Emotional or mental things are difficult for me but physical problems are solvable.

Something broken? Fix it or buy another one.

Hurt yourself? Patch it up and wait to see if it gets better. If not, go to the hospital or hit up the nurse down the street because you're too poor for healthcare. Maybe I might whimper in pain a little, but I almost broke my back once and only spent like a minute gasping and crying before it was back to business as usual.

But if I dropped something on a bad day, I'd start bawling and hiccuping and feel so damn pathetic and hopeless that I'd drop instantly into a dissociative state as soon as I got to the point that it was actually kind of hard to breathe from crying so much.

I wanna be in that place right now. Numb to the world, able to function on autopilot.

As it is now, I'm only really half-dissociating which is what I do all the time just to get through my days. It's like being in a hazy dream world.

Full-on Dissociation would be like…blink and hey, it's been hours and I'm somewhere different.

At least, it usually works that way for _me_ , anyhow.

"There it is!" a voice nearby shouts.

I glance back and see Soldiers rushing at me. _Those_ Soldiers.

So I run. I run so hard and so fast that my feet burn and my lungs ache. My body feels like it's made of jello when I finally manage to stop gasping for air and stop to stare up at the giant edifice of ShinRa Corp looming above me.

I'm so close to it when I die this time that I can almost see inside the windows way up there. Not clearly, but enough to make out blurry, indistinct forms.

It doesn't really hurt. Or maybe it does but I just die so fast I don't remember feeling it?

Maybe I'll just rest a bit….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I forgot to put the trigger free summary here on this chapter!
> 
> Anyway, Rhiannon reforms, and manages to do so in a way that keeps ShinRa off her tail for a bit. She walks around Midgar, steals clothing and walks some more until she realizes she walked basically straight up to ShinRa headquarters and she dies again to another blow from a S.O.L.D.I.E.R.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Updating because I NEED YOUR HELP.
> 
> Please see link in top notes and go there and read the post before reading this chapter!
> 
> Any help AT ALL would be appreciated!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please go here: https://unrealromance.tumblr.com/post/611138435213836288/hey-so-i-need-your-help
> 
> And help if you possibly can!

READ TOP NOTES, GO TO LINK AND READ POST FIRST. PLEASE.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was difficult, confusing. To find a way out of this problem.

This… _loop_ that I am stuck in.

Living and dying in an endless cycle. At least until I can figure out how to get ShinRa to stop trying to kill me.

That's not likely to happen any time soon as ShinRa… _really_ likes killing things, at least so far as I can remember. People, monsters, it doesn't matter. If they perceive a threat or see an opportunity, they go for it.

I tried moving but they still somehow found me- like they could track me. Like I was leaving behind some kind of trace of 'dead person coming to life' or something.

And once I tried analyzing the problem, a realization came over me.

I'm in the _lifestream_ , aren't I?

It was such a simple realization, and I should've come to it sooner.

But in my defense, the world seems very confusing when you don't even have a physical body. I could barely even conceive of the lifestream as a _concept_. Let alone as an actual physical place that I was currently inhabiting.

The entire batch of questions that occurred to me at that point…well, it almost made me reform. I had to pull back and tell myself over and over, that it didn't matter.

So wanting answers is as powerful an impetus for reformation as just plain wanting to live. Good to know.

But before I can reform, I need to know where I can go so that I can stop being followed by ShinRa. Or at least how to do it in a way that will be less obvious to whatever sensors they're using to track me with.

And since I have no fucking idea how to do that even when I'm in fleshy-form, it took me a while to find a workaround.

Now though, I've felt it.

A huge source of energy, or drain _on_ energy. I really can't tell which it is, but I know it's big enough that I could, theoretically, hide in it. Or around it. Under it or whatever.

As long as I'm around whatever it is, they probably won't be able to tell me from it. Which means they'd just go looking for it, find out it's whatever it is- probably either kill it or document it, depending on if it's alive…and then just leave me alone?

Well, I quite literally cannot die permanently, so it's worth a shot?

Or…I _could_ die permanently…but I'd have to want it. I can feel that I could just let go, and just…go. But…I don't want to, and for some reason that's just…enough?

Whatever, I'm heading for that source of power, or power drainage, or whatever the fuck it is.

With my luck, it'll be a ShinRa facility and at least then I'd be able to identify them!

Focusing on the energy signal, whatever it is, I start to pull in the opposite direction from where it is. I pull and pull and pull until I'm _almost_ close to reforming and then I _yank_ in its direction.

It all happens so fast that it feels…well, pretty disorienting.

Everything is spinning but I still have hold of that energy signature, I still have hold of where I'm going and then-

And then I have a body again.

Like before, everything is pretty confusing.

My body is sending off signals of sensation I can't even comprehend at the moment. Hot, cool, soft, firm, moving, still…

Sight isn't there, or at least I don't think it is, it's…so dark. And then my hearing can only pick up this…roar of silence…

Not even insects, or birds…

Am I inside somewhere?

And if I am, where? ShinRa research facility? Some unlucky dude's home where he's got a stash of super powerful materia just lying around?

Slowly, over time, I become conscious of a warm weight across my back and then…then the pieces start coming together a little more easily.

The warm and firm is a warm, firm body underneath mine. The soft and cool are the sheets on the bed I've fallen into.

Blinking very slowly and waiting for movement, I try to take in as many details as possible.

I am totally naked and in someone's bed. Bad news.

Seeing as I'm not being summarily ejected, they're probably still asleep. Either that or they've mistaken me for someone else and I can just sneak out. Good news.

Maybe.

So I very slowly raise my head just a tiny bit to look up. But the person also does so and reaches over to switch on the light.

And I swear to whatever gods may exist in Midgar that I almost dissolved into a puddle of pure horror.

Sephiroth. A very half-naked Sephiroth.

And he doesn't even look mildly surprised!? I mean, I know the guy is very hard to get to emote more than the barest degrees in the games until after he finds out about Jenova, but. Come on, a naked woman just materialized on top of you and all you can do is stare blankly at her?

"Are you simply going to lie there?" he asks in a bored tone of voice.

So I scramble off of him as quickly as possible, wrapping his discarded blankets around me as I go. "Ohmygod, I'msosorry, Ihadnoideathatwasyou."

He sits up after I settle in the corner and stares at me. Almost like he can't quite comprehend what's going on, but he's too bored to care. "What?"

I breathe deeply for a moment and realize I've got about three choices here.

Confide in Sephiroth is option one. It's a terrible, bad, horrible option. But he's been a science experiment. He might understand trying to survive scientists.

Option two is uh…run out of here right now. Here, being ShinRa, most certainly. Get caught on camera, then chased down by security or more scientists. Worse option.

And option three is, lie to Sephiroth about what's going on.

Worst option. He'd be able to tell. He can probably hear my heartbeat _right now_.

So I choose the least terrible out of all my bad options.

"Please don't tell anyone I'm here, I'm…I'm hiding," I say and inch until I'm in the shadow of his closet. "Hojo is trying to kill me."

And then I just fully submerge myself in the dark and try to control my breathing.

There's silence until I hear him put his feet on the floor.

I must've missed the rustling of the sheets because I was so absorbed in my breathing exercises. But it's so quiet in here that I couldn't miss the very slight tap of skin on bare wood.

Dreading the reaction he's about to have- I think back to the moment I formed. The energy I followed. From now on I suppose I'll know better.

' _Energy signature was just Sephiroth. Which means other signatures like it are probably going to be like, Mako factories or Jenova herself. Or something…So. In the future, avoid those._ '

It's then that I notice he's staring into the closet at me. Crouched low, arms dangling over his thighs.

He looks…incredibly normal. Just wearing black pyjama pants, hair all tousled from sleep…like a guy. Just a guy.

I know he's not just a guy, but the moment strikes me. And I remember what he used to be like before Jenova. Before…everything.

He cared about his friends. He went to work every morning. He made wry jokes and conspired against ShinRa when it was necessary to protect Genesis and Angeal. Even if he was undecided at the time, he would've left with them if they'd only asked.

…Sephiroth is kinda just a dude.

Dunno why that's hitting me only now, but the sheer force of the realization is staggering. That he's just a person right now. Not an evil incarnation of hatred.

So what do I do now?

Looking into his eyes…I just don't know.

And then…the door chimes. And I know that's what it is, because it _sounds_ like a perfectly innocuous door chime.

I'm going to die again, aren't I?


	5. Sephiroth POV

Such a curious thing.

Normally when this happens, the women are…aggressive. Assertive. Pliant and agreeable- but demanding.

They do not hide in my closet and spout apologies.

Women who show up in my room are also not usually running from Hojo…what _did_ she _do_ , I wonder?

The way she shivers and eyes me like she fears me. It isn't familiar, either. This is a fear borne of a situation. I could expose her. Give her to the people searching for her.

But she looks at me differently than other people who fear me.

Getting up from my crouch on the floor, I walk to my bedroom door.

My room and my apartment are as sparse as I could possibly manage to keep them.

…Genesis insisted on buying me a sofa and television so that he could bother me every weekend with a re-watch of loveless. He bought the video of a stage production. It was awful.

It's _always_ awful. But I don't watch _it_ so much as listen to him watch it. Truly fascinating to see someone who truly _cares_ about something. The way they behave when engaged in the activity or when around people they consider important.

I've never experienced whatever rush of feeling they seem to get. Part of me wonders if I was simply born without the capability.

The front door is being tampered with by the time I make it over to it.

I suppose I should have opened it sooner. Hojo does _detest_ when I drag my feet.

Opening the door on the young Soldier trying to pick it is at least amusing.

He seems flabbergasted at the sight of me with messy hair.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" I ask.

I've been told that I tend to drawl. But I cannot speak any faster in a natural manner. I tried, when I was younger. But it sounded so ridiculous to me and felt so forced.

The Soldier pales and backs away from me.

I've also been told the way I speak can be intimidating. So I suppose I really was born to be in the S.O.L.D.I.E.R. program.

"Sephiroth, sir," one of Hojo's researchers. "There were spikes of energy that we were…tracking. A particular type of monster. One that mimics human appearance and speech. We detected one…right on top of you, sir. In your room."

' _Right on top of me, indeed,_ ' I muse internally. They have no idea how right they are about that.

A monster that speaks like a human, is convinced that it _is_ human? Now that is…interesting.

"If there were a monster in my rooms…do you not believe I could kill it myself?" I ask.

"Ah- I, no sir, of course!" the researcher bows his head and gestures at the Soldier to follow him. "Come on, let's leave Sephiroth in peace."

When they've finally left, I shut the door and turn to face the woman- or monster -who has been standing in my bedroom doorway staring at my back since I left my room.

"Are you gonna kill me now?" she asks in a quiet voice. Seeming resigned.

"That would defeat the purpose of hiding you, I think," I reply.

She looks up at me from beneath long, black eyelashes. Her brown hair is messy and spills over her shoulders as if whipped by the wind.

Genesis may call her a beauty, or Angeal may say she's 'wholesome'. I have no basis of reference for this outside of what they have said about women we know in the past.

All I know is that she is wrapped up in my sheets and looks like she could use a shower.

"Shower is over there," I say and point to the door next to my room. "Put my sheets back and take the robe out of my closet."

And then I walk up to her and wait.

She jolts and moves to the side so that I may pass.

At least she isn't one of the ones who likes to stand too close and stare at me as if their brain has shut completely off.

Rushing into my closet, she does as I ask. Even manages not to drag my sheets all over the floor.

"I really am sorry," she's just standing there, now. Fiddling with the fastens of the robe and looking down. "I was…I don't know where I was, really. And I was about to reform- I knew they'd kill me again, so I just…moved at the last second and…" She stops and slowly looks up. "You're the energy I was following, aren't you?"

After replacing the sheets on my bed, I sit and stare at her for a moment. "Energy?"

"There were these big groupings of energy, but this was the biggest. I assumed it was the ShinRa building, but it was _you_." She does not seem horrified by this fact, or awed. As most I have known would be after feeling my power first hand.

She instead seems surprised and chagrined.

"And if it was?" I ask.

She blinks. "I…I dunno. I really should've seen that coming, I mean…you're the most powerful man in this world, it makes sense you'd have that much energy inside you. Screaming to get out."

I tilt one of my eyebrows slightly up. This is usually where they tend to get…affectionate. I don't know another word for it.

But she simple shakes her head, sighs and leaves my room.

"The couch pulls out," I say before sending a wave of power at the open door. Effectively slamming it shut.

It's always a relief when I can go a week or so without being visited by one of my many…admirers.

Knowing that she wasn't one of them and seems to be exactly what she says she is...I believe I can indulge my curiosity with little trouble to myself.

I only hope it stays this way and doesn't devolve into the usual problem.


	6. Chapter 6

It takes about an hour to finish making everything, but after the rough week-

…day…month…year? I have no idea how much time passed between me dying on earth and then…coming here and then…all the resurrections…

Anyway, I needed something to do and Sephiroth had a LOT of ingredients for cooking stuff.

So I made eggs, bacon and pancakes. A lot of them. There's a whole stack of pancakes on a plate, a bowl filled with cooked bacon and the eggs are…well, I smooshed the bacon over to the side so I could pour the eggs into the side of the bowl.

Basically they're in a big-ass mixing bowl divided down the center.

I have no idea why I made so much. Except that some part of me assumes Sephiroth must eat a lot. Or that maybe I should, because of my new weird powers or something.

And if we don't eat everything, I can pack it away for tomorrow in case I don't have the energy to cook again.

I didn't make _too_ much, I think. Just, enough for two plus some extra. But to me…it seems like a lot. I've…been living alone with nobody but maybe another family member for a long time. And I don't need to cook meals often. I just…make whatever I myself can eat.

I almost jump when I hear Sephiroth's door open.

When he steps out, he closes it very carefully behind him. I've noticed that he does that a lot. Methodically and slowly acting things out. Like when he put the sheet back on the bed and he stepped very slowly around to each corner.

I guess if you can go as fast as Sephiroth can, any speed below that will seem _too_ slow- so maybe it doesn't matter to him how slow he's going. It's all the same amount of 'too slow'.

Or maybe he's just one of those people. The type that likes to take it easy.

"Hey," I say, without really knowing why. "Do you like eggs, bacon and pancakes? I made too much."

He glances over at me from the door and then slowly turns and approaches the kitchen.

I still feel a little leery, but…this is the old Sephiroth. From before. He used to be like a cool older brother character. He was laid back, cared about his friends…

Right now, he's just a guy. So I shouldn't be thinking too hard about what he'll become.

If I do…I might not be able to talk to him like this. And…well, he's kind of my only hope.

"You cooked," he says. Matter of factly and without much tone to his voice.

"I have a lot of nervous energy," I reply. "I figured I should do something with it before it melted away."

He seems to accept this with a head tilt and then walks over to pick up the ENTIRE bowl of eggs and bacon. He puts two pancakes on top of it, pours some syrup over the whole lot and then sits down at the table.

I like sweet things anyway, but wow, he's gonna eat ALL that egg and bacon I made? Jesus, was I right that he has to eat a lot or is he trying to spite me or something? I don't know this guy, I can't predict or interpret anything!

Taking the plate with the slightly smaller tower of pancakes, I gently work peanut butter into it. Thinly layered every two pancakes and then- I pour the warm syrup all over the tower and then onto the plate below.

It takes some maneuvering to avoid knocking it over or making bits of it fall off, but I manage. At least till pancake number four when I start to feel kind of stuffed.

Licking my lips, I sigh and push my plate away. "Well I guess I only made a little too much after all, instead of a lot."

"Seems like enough to me," he replies blandly and I do a bit of a double take at the totally empty bowl. "More than I usually get to eat at breakfast in the cafeteria."

And then he pushes out of his seat and takes the bowl to the sink. There's…a weird blurry moment and then he's setting it along with his fork into the drying rack next to the sink.

Ha! He uses super speed to do chores. Love it.

I actually snort a little and he turns to regard me in the same slow, menacing way he does everything- but the effect is ruined now.

"I can't believe you use super-speed to do chores, god that's every ten-year-old's dream!" I exclaim while lost in giggles.

His head tilts and his eyes flash to the side, and another blur occurs.

I blink and glance around to see what he did and notice that he…he put my pancakes into a tupperware and washed my dishes too.

Laughing out loud, I clap as he walks away from the table. He definitely did that for a reason, though I can't think of what it might be.

Just to be entertaining, maybe? He _did,_ in the past make jokes, right? Or maybe he just can't stand mess, or something.

I get up and put the tupperware into the fridge before walking quickly out into the living room as he heads to the door.

"Hey Sephiroth," I reach out and barely graze his elbow.

Nothing big happens, but I can _immediately_ tell that touching is a _huge_ no-no from the way his body very minutely flinches. Like a full-body spasm so microscopic that you could barely even _sense_ it, let alone see it.

"Oh, sorry," I step back and drop my hands as he turns slowly to face me. "I wanted to ask you something."

His head tilts and he stares at me with what would be unnerving intensity on anyone else. On him it just looks kinda sleepy and bored.

"Do you mind if I cook more than this?" I ask. "I've got nothing else to do and I know lots of recipes and you have more ingredients than any house I've ever lived in."

He turns away from me and opens the door. "Do what you want."

And then he's gone and I'm…alone.


End file.
